After graduating with my Computer Science degree in 2021, I landed my “dream” job but felt emptier than ever. Weekends blurred into Netflix binges, and I had no identity outside work. Therapy introduced me to the 3 Hobby Rule, a simple framework that helped me rediscover joy through movement, connection, and focus. Here’s how it changed my life and how it might help you find balance too.
My Burnout Arc
In college, I was a productivity machine. Fun? Hobbies? Those were distractions from my goal: a high paying tech job. I studied, worked, and ignored everything else, no friends, no exercise, just grind. I achieved my goal, but post-grad life hit hard. My dream job left me isolated, uninspired, and stuck in pajamas, resenting those with vibrant lives. I’d grown up low-income and first-gen, always in survival mode, so I never built an identity beyond work. The wake-up call came when people asked, “What do you do for fun?” I’d panic, my mind blank. Fun? I didn’t have fun… I just rotted, scrolling endlessly or sleeping through weekends. That question exposed how hollow my life had become, and it stung. Therapy helped me see I needed hobbies, not side hustles, upskilling or networking, but things I did purely for joy. That’s when I discovered the 3 Hobby Rule, and it became my roadmap to balance.
The 3 Hobby Rule
Psychologists suggest three types of hobbies for mental well-being:
- Movement: Physical activities like hiking or fitness classes.
- Social Connection: Community-driven pursuits like dancing or volunteering.
- Deep Focus: Mentally engaging tasks like chess or sewing.
This balance combats feeling scattered or stuck. After years of burnout, I found that embracing all three brought me back to life.
Hobby #1: My Movement Hobby (Fitness Classes)
Post-COVID, I’d gained 50 pounds and felt sluggish working remotely. I signed up for Orangetheory, and its high-energy HIIT classes made me feel ALIVE, it was addicting. I also explored YogaSix, CycleBar, and Ballet Physique (Barre), learning to use exercise as a tool:
- High-intensity workouts (Orangetheory, CycleBar) burn stress and boost confidence.
- Low-intensity sessions (yoga, barre) calm my overstimulated mind and reset my nervous system, especially during my period when cycle syncing helps.
When workouts stopped feeling good, I knew something was off. Now, I listen to my body, using movement to recharge or reset. #ExerciseIsMedicine
Hobby #2: My Social Hobby (Salsa Dancing & Tech Meetups)
In October 2024, I discovered salsa dancing, and it revolutionized my social life. After college, making friends was a struggle. Grabbing dinner or coffee felt like empty routines, lacking real connection. I craved a community where I could belong and bond with others who shared my passions.
I found that in two places: salsa dancing and tech meetups. I’d danced K-pop choreography in high school but hadn’t moved in over five years. Salsa drew me back with its welcoming, vibrant, and freeing energy. You dance with everyone, meeting new people or connecting with regulars, which sparked tons of friendships.
But my deepest bonds came from being a salsa apprentice, where shared goals created close connections, and from developer meetups and Latinas in Tech events. I attended these not to network but to meet techies/engineering professionals who shared my career aspirations. Those gatherings led to my most genuine friendships, built on mutual dreams and understanding.
Working remotely can be isolating, but salsa and tech meetups gave me communities that make me excited to wake up every morning. :)
Hobby #3: Deep Focus (Writing, Sewing, and Rock Climbing)
Finding a deep focus hobby has been tricky as a coder, since my job already demands hours of concentration, often stuck in my room-turned-office. I craved activities that absorb me without feeling like more screen time (or being in my room). For me, deep focus isn’t about where you are—it’s about losing yourself in the moment.
Writing has become my anchor. Journaling untangles my thoughts, blogging shares my story, and making short TikTok videos challenges me to craft narratives from fleeting moments. Each pulls me into a flow state, leaving me refreshed.
I’m also revisiting sewing, it’s always been my dream to make my own clothes!
& Recently, rock climbing has been a game-changer. Every route is a mental puzzle, engaging my mind and body while getting me out of my house.
Final Thoughts
The 3 Hobby Rule gave me a framework to name what I was missing: balance. Not productivity, optimization, or achievement—just a life that feels full and grounded.
I’m still learning.
Some weeks, I’m all in on salsa dancing; others, I crave quiet moments climbing or journaling.
If you’re feeling stuck, unmotivated, or caught in a loop, you might not be lazy—you might just need balance. The 3 Hobby Rule can help. Try a new activity that moves your body, connects you with others, or sharpens your focus.
Experiment until something clicks. What are your three hobbies, or what’s one you’ve always wanted to try? Share in the comments—I’d love to hear what lights you up!
XOXO, Day